What is stopping you from showing up?
What holds you back from presenting yourself to the world as you are; authentically, and owning that with confidence?
I know what holds me back. It’s easy.
Fear!!!
It is definitely the easy answer, but I’m not sure that it’s the whole truth.
Fear is without question a large component of why I don’t show up, but there is a bigger truth which sits behind the fear; it’s comparison.
Comparison is a killer. It can kill joy, it can kill hope, and it will always kill confidence. It is dangerous, and at the same time alluring. Because whether we call it comparison or judgement, which it is directed away from us it can give us a false sense of value and worth.
I hate the idea of being compared to anyone else. I don’t want people looking at me and saying ‘Who does she think she is?’ or ‘Betty Blogs is already doing that!’ or ‘What does she know.’
But here’s the rabbit hole that this thinking takes me down. I am simply afraid that anybody else, everybody else, will possibly think about me, the things I think about myself!
I am my greatest enemy when it comes to comparison. I stop me from showing up, all on my own.
Yep, that’s it.
This is the biggest issue I face.
It’s the reason I hold back from doing what I know I can do, but never actually do.
I am the biggest comparer of me!
I look around at all the other successful people out there, writing, blogging, posting, creating, whatever, and compare myself to them.
Every day, and perhaps even twice on Sunday, I question if I’m good enough to show up and present myself to the world.
Now the irony, I know you’re thinking it, in all that thinking, is that here I am writing out my thoughts and sharing them in a blog, for the world to read, and judge or simply ignore. Added to that, in recent times I have entered the world of posting videos and being seen.
However, I’m not 100% sure this is showing up. I don't let a lot of people I know, know what I do. I am more comfortable with perfect strangers, who I'll never meet seeing me.
I know I hold back from doing things that make it all real.
We know when we are showing up and when we are not. Sometimes we are the only ones that do.
So, what does it matter? I’m doing a bit; the rest will come with time. It doesn’t really matter that much if I’m holding back.
But it does matter. Because showing up means being who I was created to be and using the gifts that God gave me to do it.
Holding back means I am not putting my faith and trust in what God has for me, and instead letting the negative narrative in my head meld with the possible response of others.
That’s not what God wants. He wants me to trust in Him and know that He will give me everything I need to do what I feel called to do.
God does not discourage us or put us down. He builds us up and walks beside us. Even if my choice is not 100% part of His plan, even if I’ve got it wrong, if my intention is to work with Him and for Him, I’m going to be okay.
I want to show up for God. I want to be more authentically who He wants me to be. Part of that is making sure people know they are valuable and important, not because I think so, but because He thinks so. Part of that is recognising that I am valuable and important, and that is true because God thinks so.
Showing up means doing all I can to be the best reflection of God’s love that I can possibly be. Which starts with recognising that I am all God needs me to be. He doesn’t need me to be like Betty Blogs, and He doesn’t want me to be doing my stuff her way. He wants me to encourage and support Betty and get on and do my thing.
So here I am, after a long time away, coming back and saying, ‘I’m ready to show up.’ I’m ready to be who I am, and share what I know, and reflect on what that makes me feel or think.
I hope it will be a chance for those who read what I write to be able to feel empowered to show up too.
And if you’re not quite ready yet, I hope you will share with me what holds you back, and I can be a little bit of encouragement and support along the way.
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